Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
