maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize