You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
