I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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