I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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