Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
