ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
