i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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