I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
