I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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