you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
