i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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