Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Randomize
