:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
