I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize