4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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