Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
