The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
