I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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