College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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