Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
