More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
