Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
