I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
