So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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