I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
