I have demons in me.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
