i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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