i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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