Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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