In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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