you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
