Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
