Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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