Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize