Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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