The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
