I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
