Where is the hickey?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
