pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
