Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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