I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize