i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
