Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
