u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
