i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So squirting runs in the family.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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