they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
