i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
