Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
