She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
