Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
