the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
