Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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