He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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