WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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