Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
