you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
