I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
