We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
