I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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