i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
