now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
