Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
