is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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