If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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