We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
