you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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