i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
