Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
