Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
